Life Is A Game We All Must Play
by Bambi-Fuego
Summary: HiE. Life is a game, one each and everyone of us will play during our lives. It has plot twists, unexpected events, even tales of love but one thing is for certain, you will never know what will happen next. This is how the life of Richard Daniels plays out. (Rated T for language) ON HIATUS
1. Chapter I

**Chapter I: Where it All Went Wrong**

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Okay, it has come to my obvious attention that a large number of people have been put off by the opening chapter and I'm am asking you please give this story a chance. Don't just read the first few paragraphs then leave, just do me a favor and read it, please I hope you like it. Or if you want to go to ponies skip to chapter two, your choice.

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It's the year 2031 and in the last fifteen years everything went to hell. World War III, Britain is at war with the Republic of Ireland, most of the continent of North America will be uninhabitable for the next few millennia and then these _things_ started appearing. My name is Richard Daniels I'm 21 years old and this is how my life took a turn for the worse.

It started as a normal day, I woke up around 8:30 I didn't plan to wake up that early but I forgot to turn my alarm clock off the night before so I started the day in a not-so-good mood because I'm NOT a morning person. Anyways I turned my alarm clock off, put on my glasses then proceeded to turn my bedside lamp off, now I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of what resides in the dark. Now this, this is where it starts to get weird. As i already noted that _things_ started appearing well said _things_ are some form of supernatural but they're from a completely different universe entirely I wish I was joking. Ever since a certain bomb was created they started to appear. From what I've been told when the bomb explodes it rips a hole in the space time continuum, not too sure just what the fuck that is but Jamie said it did and he is the smartest person I'll probably ever know, so supernatural occurrences happened near where the bomb had gone off. Just to clarify Jamie Dow is my best mate I've known him all my life and I trust him with it. But I digress.

Anyways I walked out of my room to find Matt was already up, nothing new he's always up early. Also because it is relevant I live in a house with three other people Matt, Jamie and Pete, it's cheaper on the rent so I can't complain.

"Good morning Bambi, didn't expect you to be up this early on a Wednesday." He had a smug face on because he knows I'm too big of a fan of my nickname, which I got courtesy of my fiancé, Faline-Alexander Henderson.

"Shit, hold on I'll be back in a minute." I walked back into my room, went into my set of draws and grabbed a black, woollen band and put it on my right arm just below where the sleeves on my t-shirt. The reason I did that is because 4 months ago a good friend of mine died by the hands of the fucking Irish when they attacked Newcastle, his name was Kevin but everyone called him Spyder, crazy fucker mind you but still a good friend, it was on a Wednesday so a small group of us wear a black band on our right arm every wednesday to remember him.

I walked back in to the living room, I picked the short straw so I got the dinning room which is now my bedroom. "Anyone else up yet?" I asked.

"Nope. Oh by the way, Happy birthday" Matt replied

"Thanks, also shower's mine." I said already halfway up the stairs. Ten minutes later had me feeling awake and in a change of clothes, which was a pair of jeans a Fire Trap t-shirt which was covered by a black hoodie, when there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it." I said. I opened the door where the was a man holding a parcel.

"Package for a Richard Lee Daniels." Lee is my middle name just to let you know.

"Yeah, that's me."

"Just sign here please," I did, closed the door, took the package in and opened it.

"What is it?" Matt asked.

"You nosey bugger." I opened it and took out it's contents which was a lot of polystyrene, a set of darts with customised flights, a shirt and a note which read _'Happy birthday, Jamie' _I took one look at the shirt _Jamie I fucking hate you sometimes._ The shirt was black with the letters TGP on both sleeves with a picture of a head of a stag on the back, the flights had TGP on each side of the flights.I put the note down and walked up the stairs got a jug from the bathroom, not sure why it's there, filled it up with ice cold water, proceeded into Jamie's room and poured the cold water on his head "Wake up you bastard," needless to say the water did just that.

He woke up with quiet a shock. "I see you got my present,".

"Yes, I did. And thank you." The reason I did all that is because that is my darts shirt for when I do tournaments because I am rank 27th in the world for the PDC (Professional Darts Corporation) and that is the best in life I will probably get thanks to my fucking eyesight. I need glasses otherwise everything is a blur, just everything and I hate it so much. But I get by just like everyone else.

I was walking out the room when Jamie stopped me. "Daniels wait," He calls me Daniels because he couldn't say Richard until after he could say my last name and he's never changed. "I got you something else as well." He grabbed something from under his bed and passed it to me it was a yellow metal stick with a lead coming out the bottom probably to let it keep attached to your wrist.

"What is it?"

"Hold down the button for five."

I hadn't noticed to black button on it until Jamie mentioned it. I held it down for five seconds and then i was glad i had the other end pointing away from me. It was a climbing pick, I guessed it was for ice but I'm happy with this either way because I love four things: Darts, my fiancé, my sister - I'm very close to my sister and there isn't anything I wont do for her, and climbing indoor, outdoor I love it.

"Cheers mate,"

"Don't mention it, but don't expect shit like this again until your 40. Your 13th, 18th, 21st and 40th birthdays are the only important ones you have."

"I know. Now get up, the shower is free but I give Pete ten minutes before he gets up so take it while you can."

I walked down stairs but I didn't even make it halfway down before I heard a mirror smash and a very loud "HOLY SHIT!" from Jamie, like before I mentioned the _things_, they are the reason I'm afraid of what's in the dark and they're the reason I'm terrified of clowns and the nursery rhyme 'Ring a Ring a Roses' they fuck with your life and they've just fucked with Jamie and we need a new mirror, I'll let you do the math.

After that nothing eventful happened until half past one

"So you're not going to wish me a happy birthday?" I asked jokingly.

"I might tonight." Faline said with a seductive tone._ Bambi's getting laid tonight._ I don't like it when other people other than Faline call me Bambi but it's okay when I do it.

"Ahem. There's a little kid here." My sister commented.

"Yes, but he's not even 2, he can walk but he can't talk and he wont know what she means." I might aswell describe what I look like and I'll probably describe a few others while I'm at it. I've got light brown hair, I'm 5ft 11, I've got very pale skin because I don't tan very well and it's annoying, my eye colour is hazel, I wear glasses also I have 2 tattoos one of St. Helens R.L.F.C and Newcastle United. Jamie has dark brown hair, 6ft 1, skin a bit darker than mine, green-ish grey eyes, and he's got a goatee. Faline has blonde shoulder length hair, 5ft 10, same colour skin as Jamie. Emily has light brown hair like me but it goes down past here shoulders, also 5ft 10, same colour skin as me (runs in the family), hazel eyes, and I know she has a tattoo somewhere but she wont tell me so I don't know where. My nephew has light brown, though not a lot of hair, not very tall, hazel eyes again and that's about that.

"Okay you win that one. Anyways I can't stay long, I've got a train to catch but I thought I might stop by and my baby brother happy birthday."

"I'm 21!" I protested.

"You can be 72 and still be my baby brother so don't fight it." _If I live that long. _And I wont even bother trying to argue because I'll know she will win. I noticed my nephew was hiding behind my sister holding a card.

I smiled. "Is that for me?" I asked him. He nodded slightly, walked around my sister, he took his time but he eventually gave me the card. On the front it had '_Worlds No.1 Uncle' _on the Inside it had '_To Uncle Richard. Have a happy birthday love Louis'_ Louis, pronounced Lewis, is my nephew's name. "Thank you Louis" to my sister "What time is your train?" I asked her

"Half past three."

"Well it's quarter to two now" Then I realised I need to call a taxi to get to work. "Shit!"

"What?" Faline asked

"I'm going to be late for work"

"Well I'm sure Alice will let you off," Alice is my boss and a very close friend and she is unique and I mean that. She has Alexandria's Genesis, and she is the only ever recorded human to have it. Alexandria's Genesis: It only occurs in women, very pale skin, eyes are naturally purple which turn darker as you age, no hair on your body with the exception of eye lashes, eye brows, nose hair and head hair which is usually black or very dark brown, constantly fertile, never has a period, never gets ill and lives for up to 150 years.

"Well I hope so. Faline I'm guessing I'll be seeing you to at the pub tonight." By the way I work at a pub.

"Yes you will. Probably around half six-ish."

The rest of the afternoon went by normally along with some of the evening. If you've been to Newcastle before the major changes which involved the 10ft steel outer-wall, the 15ft steel inner-wall with a 5ft steel mesh wire on top of that, the steel gates which only allow four ways in and out of the city, the watchtowers in and around the city and HMS Northumberland patrolling up and down the river Tyne you wouldn't recognise a city that was once on the top ten places to go for a night out, also there is a curfew and half past ten Sundays to Fridays but it's lifted to 1 o'clock on Saturdays because despite the war, we still get pissed on a night out. The reason for the changes was because ever since London was raised to the ground, Newcastle is the UK's military HQ because it's on the coast also it was either this or Holyhead.

About 9:50 the pub I worked at was relatively full and I could tell it would be long before I get some drunken banter. Oh there was a curfew at 10:30 and anyone caught outside after that was dealt with accordingly. I was outside taking a smoke break because I needed it, I gave up on trying to quit a while ago even after both Faline and Emily had tried to get me to stop. I was outside cig in my mouth, messing about with the safety on my SIG P226 pistol which was stuffed down the back of my jeans because it's the easiest place to put it. It's not much big but it gets the job done, but that's nothing compared to the UMP 45 that Jamie carries around with him in his rucksack. I own a firearm and almost everyone else in Newcastle does as well, the military don't like it but when the Irish or some other country attacks, the military with the Newcastle Militia (it's unwritten but if you own a firearm you're part of the militia and you can fire at the army attacking you) fight back with extreme force and there's a fifteen minute window for the militia to scavenge for ammo and more guns, though high calibre rifles, rocket propelled grenades a light machine guns are off limits.

"Richard," Alice said. I hadn't noticed she was there. I don't see the point describing what she looks like since I've already done that with describing Alexandria's Genesis other than she's my height and has black hair.

"Yes Alex?" also another nickname.

"I'm out for a few day which you already know about, keys are you know where, not expecting any deliveries but if there any you know what to do, try not to burn the place down I put my heart and soul into this place and I think that's it." She covered everything and she defiantly has put her heart and soul and a shit ton of money into that place I look back now and it's a shame what happened to it.

"How you getting up to Berwick? And why?" That's where she was going.

"Jamie's giving me a lift since he's going past there while he heads to Glasgow. And it's my... my dad's funeral." _And that's why I don't like asking to many questions, always ends up with the worst possible scenario_. Alice's dad, Derek, was canny bloke and I didn't expect him to die so early, I'm sure he was only 54.

"I'm sorry. Hope it wasn't a painful death." From what I've heard Berwick hasn't had it easy since the war started.

"He died in his sleep."

"So," I kind of wanted to change the subject, because I fuck up with situations like these, "What time you heading off?" I asked.

"As soon as Jamie's finished his pint," so more or less now. "Also, smoke break over." _I was h__oping I could get way with staying out here a little, obviously not._

Nothing else worth noting down happened between then and closing time. All I wanted to do was go home and claim my present from Faline, basically fuck her brains out. But that didn't happen, instead Ireland paid a visit.

The sound of the air raid siren filled the skies, "Oh that's just fucking lovely!" Matt so happened to take the words out of my mouth. I already had my P226 out in my hand, Matt and Pete both pulled out their guns from their rucksacks, MP-7 for Matt and a MPK5 for Pete. Faline, who was also with us, Didn't have one.

"Where should we go?" She asked.

"Just head to the wall and we'll go from there." I said, usually I would stay and fight but right I was not in the mood. I felt my phone vibrate twice, I figured someone had just sent me a text but I was too busy at the time to check. So of to the wall we went. When we eventually got there we were alone, we could hear fighting going off on the opposite side of Newcastle and we were faced with a problem, the wall it's self.

"I got an idea." Pete's idea was quite simple I jump onto his shoulder then he lifts me, I'm standing on his hand because the was it too fucking high, I jump from his hands and use the Ice Pick Jamie bought me to dig into the mesh wire, tie the cord around my leg so I could lift Matt over so when it's Faline's turn she doesn't hurt herself, Matt climbs over and braces himself to catch Faline, repeat the process with Faline, then Pete jumps to grab my hand I haul him over then it's my turn. Like I said the plan was relatively simple and it should have worked perfectly. But when it came my turn to climb over I couldn't get my leg out of the cord so while I was trying to get my leg unstuck I heard a bomb go off, remember this was the bomb I've mentioned a few times. So that made me rush about, making me careless, oblivious to the word around me. The bomb's radius isn't large enough to cover a quarter of Newcastle but I still quickened my attempt to get my leg free.

Remember that the bomb rips a hole in the space time continuum, _I still have no fucking clue what that is, _the portal it so happens to propel out at very fast speeds somehow managed to get through Newcastle without colliding into anything and went straight into my direction. I did manage to see it coming at me but by that time it was far too late. "Oh fuck no!" was the last words on my world I ever got to say.

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**Author's Note:**

Well here is the first installation of my MLP fanfic Life Is A Game We All Must Play. I hope you like it so far even though we're yet to meet any ponies, Richard will meet them halfway through the second chapter so if you can hold out until then that would be great. Don't forget to Follow and/or Favourite (comments on what you think of the fic at the moment, any questions I will be able to answer without spoilers would be preferred through PM.


	2. Chapter II

**Chapter II: Normal Has Crashed And Burned.**

When I came to, I didn't know what to do. I had a rough idea of what happened but other than that I was clueless, one minute I'm in Newcastle in the middle of the night, next I'm a forest from what I can tell somewhere around noon. "Christ, what the fuck is that smell!" That was one of the first few things I noticed about this forest along with the fact it looks and feels depressing.

I look at my surroundings and figured I was in a small glade which was after further inspection, a crossroad of some sort. I seen three trails leading of in different directions. I found my rucksack and checked to see what wasn't broken, nothing important was broken so I grabbed it and went on one of the three trail hoping it would lead to any town, village or anything. I didn't make it far before I got very tired. So I found a reasonable place to camp until I got going again. But that forest is fucking weird, it's depressing, smells like actually I'm not sure what it smell like but it isn't good and it's cold, very cold so I got a balaclava and a pair of gloves out from my bag and put them on. I have a balaclava for... reasons and I'll leave it at that. Also my ice pick which was tied around my leg back in Newcastle was still there, I have no fucking clue how I didn't notice it at first but after ten minutes walking I did.

But shortly after I had found a place to rest, my resting was rudely interrupted by a loud roar. I held the button on my ice pick to the 'pick' part of it came out hoping what ever had just roared wouldn't know where I was so I could cave the pick into it's skull. That plan was immediately when, if it's got a name I don't know what it is, a very fucked up looking lion came charging at me, but except this lion had, and I shit you not, wings and a scorpion's tale. "You have got to be taking the piss." Fortunately it can still die, rather easy if you ask me, because it stopped moving after I put two bullets into it. I then cautiously moved closer to whatever the fuck it was, and proceeded to put and extra three shot into it's skull to be on the safe side. After confirming the fucker dead I casually went back sleep.

When I woke up it was defiantly night, but it was terrifying because it was completely silent I could here my heartbeat, there was no birds, no nocturnal life, nothing. It was just me, the cold and that god forsaken smell. I checked everything and head on my way down the trail. I didn't talk to myself, which is something I need to get out of the habit of doing when I'm alone because I didn't want to telegraph a presence. I made a lot of progress, to be honest I have no clue how much progress I made because I was still in the forest,_ seriously how big is this forest? _When it became noon again I made up another makeshift camp but I gave this one a fire for warmth and because I needed to cook my last tin of macaroni, I had two in my bag because I packed prepared but not for major fuck-ups like these.

I ate the mac and cheese, has to be Heinz and lied down on the hard ground for another uncomfortable sleep. I was just about to drift off when my phone vibrated to tell my I'm on low battery. I pulled it out of my pocket and examined it, it had a badly cracked screen but I could still tell what was on it, I remembered that I got a text two days earlier after reading it, I instantly regretted disregarding it when I got it. It was a message from my sister saying _'__I'm still at the train station, please get here!'_ that message was sent at 10:35 on June 22nd. After some time I realised what had happened. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night. The bomb that went off, I worked out that if you had one bomb where would you put it? the airport - far too heavily guarded, no where else really important other than the train station, Newcastle only has one so I'll let you do the math.

And this is where normal just left my life entirely, I was walking along the same trail I had been on for the past couple days now feeling quite down for obvious reasons. When I hear voices, not in my head that did happen once, from what I could tell either four to six female voices from maybe 10 to 15 odd metres away.

"Did you here that?" I barely heard one of them ask.

"You seriously need to stop jumping at every noise you here Fluttershy." Said another one. _What kind of name of is Fluttershy?_

"Rainbow's right, you need to be brave," Yet another one said.

"Okay Twilight," the first voice said. _Fluttershy, Rainbow and Twilight_?_ If one jumps at every noise she hears, lets try this._ I clasped my hands together and blew between the thumbs to make a owl noise.

I heard the first voice, I'm guessing Fluttershy, squeal a bit.

"It's just and owl sugarcube," another voice said with a southern accent.

"Sounds more like a pigeon to me," the second voice said. _OWL! not a wood pigeon, fucking owl._

"Maybe it's..." I said I was going to finish with neither when I appeared out the overgrow but that never happened. I don't know who was more surprised, me or them "What?" _the actual fuck?_

"Are you?" a small purple unicorn, I'm not fucking joking, finished. I figured her to be Twilight. I also to an educated guess to which one was Rainbow, hence she had a rainbow coloured mane, oh and she has wings. After a five minute gap of silence Twilight decided to break it. "Well since this is going nowhere soon. My name is Twilight Sparkle, what's yours?"

"...Bambi," _Well fucking done! out of all the names to pick that you respond to, you pick that one of all of them, you're a fucking genius you know that!_

"Well it's nice to meet you Bambi, these are my... friends,"_ Why the pause,_ _"_Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie Pie," she said pointing to each individual. She stared at me for a bit before I asked.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Oh sorry, I was just curious to what you are. Nopony has ever seen something like you before, ever." _ Did she say noPONY. _She muttered something else which I didn't catch but it sounded like "Well you're n..." and then I missed the middle part and ended with "...an,".

"What's that on your face?" Rainbow asked. _ A bit upfront but it's one way to change the subject_ She's light blue with a rainbow mane and tail.

"Oh it's a bala-" I was cut off by me, very quickly removing my balaclava and throwing up on the ground in front of me _Well that's the last of it, I hope._ I had been sick a few time because I think I caught a cold, it was freezing in that place yet I never saw my breath once and that fucking smell doesn't help either.

"Are you okay?" Fluttershy asked. She is yellow with a pink mane and she has wing also I think she's scared of me._ I think, not sure, they're called pegasuses or is it pegasi for the plural_.

"Not really, I'm freezing my arse off here and that smell is driving me insane."

"What smell?" _Are you taking the piss?! how can you not smell that?_

_"_You telling my you can't smell- Wait hold on!" I counted the multicolour, mini horses in front of me. Five, I swear down there were six. "Also it's a balaclava," I said putting it back on making my face warm-er.

"What's the matter darling?" Rarity asked. She is white with a purple mane, she's a unicorn. Now straight away I could tell with her accent we are never going to get on. _I hate her already just because of her accent, just goes to show how broken the system I grew up on was._

"There are five of you here. Where the fuck is the other one?" The remaining five look round to she that I was correct.

"Applejack don't!" As soon as I heard that I reached for my gun and went to turn around to find Applejack doing something I wouldn't want her to but I never got the chance because something hit me behind the knees and crippled me to the floor where I banged my head hard and knocked myself out.

...

I woke up to find my self in a complete change of scenery. I was in a warm bed in a very large room _Thank god that smell is gone! _I looked around some more to find a not so small dark blue horse with both wings and a horn _What the fuck does that make her then? Crossbreed? _honestly I had no fucking clue. Note I woke up with my glasses wondering how they weren't broken.

I slumped back down into the bed "Not a dream then."

"It's about time you woke up," she said. "Me and my sister were getting very worried."

"How long was I out for?"

"About a week and a half," _Fucking hell_

"Well now that your awake I need to ask you some questions, is that okay?" she asked.

"Yeah no problems, but me first. Who exactly are you, also what are you?"

"My name is Princess Luna and for the what I'm an Alicorn," _ Well that explains the crown. And you learn something everyday._

"And now I'm asking the questions. Now I know, from what Twilight told me, that your name is Bambi an-"

"Sorry but I got to stop you there, Bambi isn't actually my real name but that doesn't matter. Please continue." She didn't look overly happy that I stopped her mid-sentence but I didn't care.

"Well I was going to say as you may have noticed bandage on your head. Since no one has ever seen something like you before we don't know what is and isn't normal so we couldn't heal you." I let her finish before I interrupted her again.

"Hold on, back when I had my last conversation with Twilight she said noPONY, you've just said no one-" She cut me off this time.

"I said no one because saying nopony is racist."

"I'm sorry for stopping you again but, I just can't take all... this in." I said gesturing everything.

"What can't you take in?" she asked.

"Just, just everything. Small, talking, multicolour horses, oh and to top it all off some even have wings or horn, or in your case both," I paused for a short while "I'm sorry but can you... leave. I just need some time to myself to figure out just what the fuck is going on."

"I think I know what you mean, so I will leave and instruct you not to be disturbed if that's what you wish although I will return same time tomorrow night. And since we don't know what you eat there will be a food cart along with some of everything along with your clothes and everything else you arrived with. Until we next meet, goodbye" with that she walked towards the door but before she left she turned around and asked "I don't suppose you'll tell me your real name then," I shook my head and the I was alone.

"What the fuck has happened to me?" I asked my self. I sat on the bed for an hour, maybe longer I don't know, just repeating the same seven words every so often. I was interrupted by a knock at the door, which opened anyways without me saying anything. A small beige horse walked, no wings or any of that shit, pushing quite a big food trolley with little bit of everything edible, and a few inedible since I saw some flowers on there, under the kitchen sink on it. The beige horse or pony as they call themselves, _I think_, left without saying everything. I continued to sit on the bed in silence for what I guessed was half an hour before I walked over to the food trolley where I saw my clothes, which I proceeded to put on, I did put my gloves back into my bag which was also there and I threw the balaclava onto the bed.

On the trolley was a fair amount of meat, breads, flowers for some reason or another, cheeses, eggs and egg related foods and a whole load of other stuff that I wouldn't bother eating, no pasta though. I took an omelette with some bread and a small amount of brie with crackers. Ate the food, which was really nice, and went back to the bed because I was feeling tired and went to sleep. The princess came back the following night asked a few questions, had a short conversation then left. The next three nights went by pretty much the same. although on the second I thought I hit a realisation to why I was so accepting to everything going on, I basically thought I was going insane, which Luna, she doesn't like formalities, did her best to talk me out of the idea which I now think was a bit retarded but that doesn't matter. I also learned a lot about the place I was in: The country is called Equestria, which is run by two sisters Luna and her sister Celestia, me and Celestia did have a talk but so far I don't really like her that much. Alicorns are not crossbreeds and are pretty much extinct because there is no known male Alicorn left alive. Equestria is mainly populated by three types of ponies, they refer themselves to ponies: Earth Ponies, Unicorns and Pegasi which sounds better than pegasuses. I told Luna my name, well just my first name. Also the whole journal idea was Luna's so when ever my life goes to shit, I can look back at the good times I've had, that's counting if that happens.

I got used to the fact that I'm quite frankly stuck in Equestria forever which is what I was told by Celestia just before. It was me and Luna walking down a hallway where Luna learned that I'm not what I seem, she learned that I haven't got the cleanest history she learned that I can kill and so did I apparently. We were walking down the hallway where simultaneously the ceiling caved in both behind and in front of us leaving a space of for five skilled assassins to get in kill Luna and get out, well that was there plan at least. What they didn't plan on was me and a hand flare with my SIG P226.

"What's going on!" I shouted as soon as the ceiling collapsed. Not like I expected her to know but I still asked.

"I don't kn- My magic, it doesn't work!" Unicorns and Alicorns, because of their horns, can use magic because why the fuck not. It was pitch black but I knew where the flare was so I got it out my bag, which I carry around with me everywhere, and lit it where there was an unsuspecting Pegasus with a dagger in his mouth going straight for Luna. None of the assassins were expecting me to do that so all five of them: three Pegasi and two unicorn were a little shock when their friend got tackled to the ground by me, had the dagger ripped out of his mouth and then me kicking him in the face, he stopped struggling. Then there were four.

"What is that!?" A Pegasus exclaimed pointing at me.

"I don't know or care just kill it and the princess then go!" The other Pegasus shouted. Now I was having none of that so I pulled out my P226 and shot at all four of them. Two were killed because they were standing still another bled out quite quickly and one, a Unicorn was in a lot of pain with a bullet in his foreleg. I slowly walked up to him pointed the gun at his head where Luna stopped me.

"Richard don't!" She screamed. I look over to the Pegasus that I knocked out.

"That one's still breathing," the Unicorn's eyes lit up when he thought I was going to kill him there and then, but I didn't. I aimed a little to the left of his head shot the last round into the rubble next to behind him, my mag hold 10 9mm rounds and I used five for the lion thing and five on those 'skilled' assassins. "But two is better that one." He didn't have time to be relived because I punched him round the side of his head. I looked over to where Luna was standing, fortunately she wasn't harmed. I took a step towards her which she answered by taking one back. "I ain't going to hurt you, hold on." I threw my gun on the ground away from me. Her eyes never left it as it flew through the air. "Better?" She nodded slightly.

"What is that?" She asked keeping her eyes on it.

"It's called a pistol, and a lethal one at that." It probably would take more than one bullet to kill a horse but they're much smaller here so I'm guessing it's easier.

Luna still was in shock. Then again, I just killed three assassins and knocked out another two in the short space of twenty seconds. "How can you just kill them like that? They didn't even get a chance to react, you were too quick. All things considered that is and isn't a good thing."

"They were going to kill both you and me. You heard what he said," I said pointing a Pegasus. "He didn't care who or what I was, just kill me and you then leave. You never would have seen them coming. You would have been dead before you knew what happened. I've just saved both of us because I reacted first. I haven't got a clean history Luna, but I am no murderer."

"You're right, and thank you for saving my life. I owe you."

"No you don't, I don't care what you say you don't owe me at all. If anything, we're even now but let's focus on getting out of here okay?"

"Okay but when we've got out of here, me and you are going to have a talk. My magic is returning so we can move everything, or we can wait until we get freed from the other side because I'm sure people would have heard the ceiling collapse." Half an hour later me and Luna were out and back in the room I have been spending most of my time in.

"So what do you want to know?" I asked. I was sitting on the bed while Luna was on a chair. I don't know why ponies have chair because it doesn't seem... right.

"Everything."

"Okay let's start off with all the bad shit I've done. I've been arrested for assault twice, charges were dropped for one and I had to pay a fine for the other. Rioting, police didn't have enough proof that it was me thanks to my balaclava, still guilty though. Arson, I was in jail for six months because what I did was very bad. And technically, I've raped someone. Keyword was technically," Luna's eyes widened. "She was drunk, I was not, she was quite violent when she's pissed and because I don't want to get sent down again for assault, I didn't retaliate as much. In the end the court recognised I was innocent and I got her done for sexual assault." Luna calmed down a lot after I explained that. "How I reacted like I did and killed them without second thoughts is simple. Back where I came from," I'm still trying to take in everything that's happening, "We were in the middle of World War Three the city I was living in was under constant threat of being attacked. I knew this of course but I stayed nonetheless. Anyways it had been attacked a few times each with relatively the same result, we won. I'm... we're still alive because I reacted, I've had to do that once before... anyways, that's the same reason me and you are still breathing."

"My turn. I've not had a clean past either. Over a thousand years ago." Probably best to mention alicorns are half-immortal, they can't die of old age but I can put a bullet between their eyes and they aren't waking up from that one. _Scary that I think like that._ "I was corrupted and I attempted to take over Equestria from my sister by shrouding half the world in eternal darkness, which ended up making the other half have constant daylight." _Shit that's bad._ "After three days I was defeated and sentenced to the moon for a millennia I've only recently returned and many things have changed that I'm still adjusting to. Also I'm not overly popular and someone somewhere wants me dead hence the assassination attempt earlier." _S__omething's off, that sounds... scripted, well some of it._

"Luna what aren't you telling me, you're not telling me the full story, not in a one-sided way but there is something your not telling me for what? you're not allowed, you don't want to or your too ashamed to."

"I never pried into your history without you willingly telling me, so I would appreciate it if you would do the same." _That's reasonable._ "Now if you excuse me I wouldn't mind to stay here all night and converse but I do have duties to attend to."

"No problem I'll just wait for the food to arrive, eat it then go to sleep. Until tomorrow." She left. I did as I said I would but instead of going straight to sleep. I sat on the bed looking at my favourite picture of all time. It was a picture of me and my sister on my first holiday, it was a holiday resort in Spain, just outside of Barcelona. Me and my sister were just on the balcony I was eight and she was ten. It was one of the few times we were genuinely happy before it got bad. I still can't believe I never noticed it in my wallet until now. I smiled before going to sleep. That was my first proper week, not counting me being unconscious for one and a half weeks and the three day trekking in that god forsaken forest, and despite everything that has happened things were starting to look up. Not that it lasts long.

* * *

**A/N:** Well that was the second instalment of LIAGWAMP (Life Is A Game We All Must Play) I'm going to call it that from now on just to shorten things. I hoped you like it now that we've met a few ponies now, just Luna to be precise but that will change next chapter. I know I've some mistakes in the last chapter but I'm human so I'm prone to failure. As always don't forget to leave a review and if you have any questions concerning the FanFic I will attempt to answer them without spoiling the plot. Until then, have a good one.


	3. Chapter III

**Chapter III: Life Has It's Way Of Annoying Me**

Two weeks after the assassination attempt I found myself in Princess Celestia's private study. "I give you two rules Bambi," I asked Luna not to tell anyone else my name, "The first was to limit the amount of times you leave your room without the company of me or my sister. And the second I asked you specifically not to leave the palace, which you did, twice. Both rules were justified yet you still decide to break them. Why?"

"I can't stay cooped up in this Palace. I mean, do you really think I can stay here for long?"

"I know but what can I do? If ponies see you that will raise questions. A whole new species nopony has ever seen before. You said it yourself that you don't want ponies to know about you, you don't want that kind of publicity. Now due to recent issues I have been quite busy and if you keep venturing out the palace like you did last night you're going to get seen and I don't want to deal with that and the fact that somepony wants my sister dead. But if you want to get out I do have an idea although you may not like it."

"I'm listening," I said. _Anything has to be better than being stuck in here._

"I could turn you into a pony so you can get out into society." _Obviously not._

"No. I do appreciate the offer, mind you it could have been worse, but fuck no!"

"I did say you might not like it. But either way the offer still stands but I must leave now, I do have a country to tend to after all. Oh and please try to stay on the palace grounds, not like it will make much difference say it." Celestia muttered the last part.

That night I was thinking over the offer Celestia gave me earlier that day. I had some reasons why it was a bad thing and some for why it a not so bad things. I don't want to become a mini horse, they don't have thumbs which would make life so difficult and I wont know fuck all about being a mini horse, or pony. But having the ability to fly or use magic maybe both if I can push it._ Probably not though. _Also I don't see how I'm getting out of this place without actually become a pony. So the next day I was in Celestia's study once again.

"So what brings you here again?" There was no doubt she already knew why I was there but she still asked.

"We both know why I'm here so let's just cut to the chase shall we."

"Well it's not an easy spell to change somepony's species but I will be able to pull it off. Do you have an idea of what kind of pony you would want to become?"

"Don't suppose I could become what you are."

"No. I may have considered it but after our first meeting without my sister to make sure you don't do anything stupid, that isn't going to happen." I'd rather not talk about what I did.

"Then I guess I'll become a... Pegasus if anything the wings will be an amazing perk," _What's the worse that can happen?_

"Okay now please hold still this may hurt, I don't know since I've never actually performed this spell before." _Wait What! _But before I could say anything her horn lit up and everything went black. When I woke up everything felt fucked up. My eyes were in different place, my ears were much larger, I didn't have any fingers or hands for that matter and I now had two limbs that I've never had before. I attempted to sit myself up but I failed spectacularly. I seen a note next to the bed which read.

_'The spell worked, as you might have noticed you're a Pegasus now. Now when I say the spell worked I may or may have not messed up on the wings. You have alicorn wings, which are larger than the wings of normal Pegasi but that isn't overly important, ponies may ask a few questions though. A few other things as well, because I have never performed the spell before you wont be like a normal Pegasus, you will need a larger intake of protein than most ponies do, since you have a more of a predator personality, you may confuse a few ponies in how you react to certain situations because how react wont seen normal eg. fight or flight, you will fight where as most ponies' instinct will tell them to run/fly/teleport (if they're a unicorn). I never understood what your cutie mark means -'_ I'll pause it there to tell you that a cutie mark is quite retarded. Basically it is a tattoo on your arse_, _each side, of what your special talent is in life, only for ponies. Like I said, it's a bit retarded. _'- but I'm sure it wont take you too long to figure it out. Try not to smash anything while learning how to walk and I do not, I repeat do not recommend you attempt to fly indoors. I will visit your room every so often to check if you're awake or not. Kind Regards, Princess Celestia.'_

_Well that definitely could have been worse. _When I got myself out of the bed I fell flat on the floor. It took me ten minutes to get my self stable and get walking, not very well though. I slowly walked over to a mirror to examine myself. I was white with an orange mane with streaks of red in it. It kind of reminded me of fire. I had amber eyes still and my cutie mark made me smile. It was the St. Helens just with out 'St. Helens R.F.C.' written on it. _What the fuck does it mean though. St. Helens until I die isn't a special talent. Still, it's something to remind me of_ home... I brushed that thought away and concentrated on my current problem, so to body felt weird, walking on four legs isn't normal my entire centre of gravity has moved which isn't helping me in any way, shape or form. The tail is not as big of a problem as I thought it would be because of the tail bone. But walking is a huge problem, and I know I will have a bruised face before I get anywhere near perfecting it. And then there is the wings, I can feel them and it feels so weird, and it gets even better, I don't know how to move them so at the moment they are just useless pieces of the new me. I also learned something shouldn't work: when I fell on the floor the fifth time all four of my legs were spread out. Now I don't know much about anatomy involving animal but that should have done something bad to me yet I felt nothing except what you expect from falling over.

Celestia came by half an hour later to check up on me. "Don't you have princess shit to do?" I asked her. For being a princess she has a lot of free time.

"Yes but nothing my court can't handle." _I should have thought about that._

"So now that you're here are you here to laugh at me every time I either fall on my face, my arse or my side. I mean surely there is something you can do, your a fucking semi-immortal princess of the second largest nation on this world and yet you check up on me." The largest is called the Prussian Nation yet only two counties from what was the Prussians back on Earth. And I might as well say the countries are more or less the same shape and size as they are here and back on Earth. Still can't fully believe that I'm on a completely different planet, universe at that and I will never see anyone I knew again. My entire family is dead but I still have friends. O_r had now._

"No, Richard I am not here to laugh at you since it is perfectly understandable. And before you ask how I figured out your name it was very easy, the name 'Bambi' sounds, even though I've never heard it before, a little bit... feminine and quite frankly the amount of time you talk to yourself is unhealthy. I am here to see if awoke which you have."

"Really, I never noticed." I said sarcastically.

"Sarcasm will get you nowhere fast. Now that you're awake I can tell you that since you don't want to stay in my palace any longer than you have to I will send you on way to a small town called Ponyville wh- why are you looking at me like that?" I was giving her my best 'Are you for real?' face. "... Where you will be greeted by my student Twilight Sparkle, and by the look on your face I see that you remember her. While you are there you will also meet the five other ponies you met back in the Everfree forest," The Everfree is a big fucking depressing chunk of Equestria about 2/3 the size of the Amazon, well what it was like back in 2015, it was smaller back when I left. "And from what I've been told one of them wants to apologise."

"I hadn't forgot about that." Actually I had forgot but I will make sure not to forget. "And I get to say goodbye to Luna before i fuck off out of here. She's canny but the fact that she is a semi-immortal princess gets in the way of our conversations."

"She speaks highly of you despite that she seen first hoof," First hand, I think. "What you're capable of. Most of the guards know what you did so expect them to be weary of you if you change back to your original body."

"I can do that?" I asked.

"Yes but for the first few times it will need a unicorn, or alicorn, powerful enough to perform the reverse spell." _I can live with that. _"Also for both our sakes, do not tell my sister what happened during our first conversation without her." _Yeah..._

"I'm not ashamed of that." I was... a little.

"Well you should be, do you know how hard it is to find stain glass windows with that amount of detail?" _Not my fault you missed._"No matter, I will leave you to your walking attempts you seem to be doing well so far."

"I'm standing still, walking is difficult and I know I chose to be a Pegasus but I can't move my wings at all."

"Yes I did expect that to happen and I will arrange a time for you to return here so you can practice flying. I would send a tutor to help you but you're a twenty-one year old stallion that can't even move his wings let alone fly will cause a small amount of fuss. So either I or Luna who has more time to spare than me because almost everypony is asleep at night. Now if you will excuse me I have things to do."

"Not like I can stop you, but before you go I want to say thank you, for the eyes I mean, I really appreciate it."

"I know we have our differences," _You could say that, _"But knowing that how bad your eyesight was, it was the least I could do for saving my sisters life."

"Your not going to make a habit of bringing that up are you. Yes I know it's true but I don't like being reminded about what I did to save her." Two took a bullet to the brain while I ruptured another's spleen and he bled out quickly. The other two were lucky that they lived, when I say lucky Celestia did say to get them to say who hired them by all means necessary. Not so lucky after all.

"I... I see what you mean. Yes anyways, I hope to see you before you leave. Actually before I forget you're going to need a new name." _She's got a point._

"...Bambi. Bambi Fuego." _I hate myself sometimes. _"Goodbye Celestia."

Luna came by that night to say goodbye, I also learned that Luna doesn't have many friends at all. "So Richard or is it Bambi again?"

"Still Richard."

"I see your leaving, for Ponyville it seems. If you don't mind me asking, how do you know of Ponyville and why go there of all places?"

"I never knew of Ponyville before today. And it wasn't my choice, Celestia decided that I should go there because her student lives there apparently." I heard Luna mutter something when I mentions Celestia's student. "I take it you don't really like... Twilight I think her name is, do you?" Luna shook her head.

"... I have my reasons. Also I heard that you are to be coming back soon for flying lessons from me."

"You hear a lot of things don't you Luny?" By god she hates that nickname I gave her, so all the more reason to call her it.

"You know I dislike that nickname."

"Then don't call me Richie." I'm still trying to figure out how she thought of that.

"I called you it twice." We had a short conversation about the little things before she left. I went to sleep with one thing on my mind. Next stop, Ponyville. _Seriously what kind of name is that?_

* * *

**I do not own MLP or any of it's characters. All other characters are a creation of inspiration and imagination.**

**Author's** **Note:** And here is the third instalment of LIAGWAMP (I love calling it that already). I had planned on making this chapter longer but then I decided to end it here and add Richard/Bambi visiting Ponyville as a separate chapter. I published this story on FimFiction as well to boost ratings. If our curious just go to fimfiction and my pen name is the same there as it is on DeviantART and here. As always don't forget to Follow/Favourite and leave a comment. I promise to reply to all signed comments and questions will be answered without spoiling too much of the plot. Stay put for chapter four. Until then, have a good one.


	4. Chapter IV

**Chapter IV: Next Stop, Ponyville**

I never expected to get far in life, never planned to do anything interesting and I can guarantee I never would have expected to find myself in a small town full of talking ponies. So let me tell you how I got here.

"The chariot leaves in fifteen minutes Richard." Luna said, she looked tired, she's usually asleep by now.

"Why are you here exactly? You're obviously tired and I'm back here in two weeks anyways."

"Three actually, there was a small change of plan so your flying lessons will have to be pushed back a week and what's wrong with me saying goodbye to a friend?"

"Nothing. It's just that you probably need a few more and I'm hardly going to be late. I've got fuck all to pack and all the clothes I own don't fit and the rest of my stuff I can't use because I'm fingerless. I'm only taking it because you never know." If I can be changed back to a human if the need arises I will do exactly that.

"Never know what?" Luna can be a little dense sometimes.

"I'll never know when, not if, when I may need them."

"I see. Anyways I will leave you to what little pack you need to do and meet you at the chariot since I know you know where to go." I didn't.

"Actually could you help me pack. I don't know how to use these yet." I said lifting up a hoof, that's going to be annoying to used to writing, saying for that matter. I nearly fell over when I went from four hooves to three. Keyword there was nearly. _I'm getting better at this. _Luna muttered something the helped me pack.

"So I'll see you in three weeks." I said getting into a chariot which is getting pulled by another pony, a Pegasus if you're wondering. _Why do they have these?_ Also only Luna is allowed to be reading this! So if I find anyone else reading my journals there will be hell to pay doesnt matter who you are I will hunt you down, this shit is private.

...

After a forty-five minute long, uncomfortable ride later I arrived in Ponyville. I've never seen anything like it, it was small but vibrant. It _felt_ like a happy place if that makes sense and in all honesty I did not like that, at all. "Just another day in a world full of talking horses." I said to myself. I got off the chariot which left almost immediately after I got out off it. "Bye then."

I saw a familiar purple unicorn heading towards me. "So you must be Bambi?" She said when she was a few feet in front of me.

"The one and only." There is a high chance that Im the one person on this world with that name.

"The Princess told me that I'm to give you a tour of Ponyville and then take you to meet the five other ponies you met in the Everfree about four weeks ago."

"Any chance we can skip the meet and greet part of that?"

"No we cannot." _Worth a shot._

"So where to first?"

"First I'm going to show you were Sugarcube corner is." I'm guessing she saw my 'The Fuck?' face "It's a bakery and the market is around the corner from Sugarcube Corner."

"So why not just show me where the market is?" That would make more sense.

"Because that is were Pinkie Pie works." The name rings a bell.

"And who's that?"

"Shes the pink one you met in the Everfree." I felt a shiver crawl up my spine when she said the Everfree. The place seriously creeps me out. "Now follow me please." We headed off in a directing leading toward the centre of town. "So.. how has your time in Equestria been?" Twilight said trying to start a conversation.

"Terrible."

"Huh?" She looked more than surprised.

"Twilight was it?" She nodded. "In the last month I've had more shit happen to me than what you will have in your lifetime." This world, more specifically Equestria, is quite peaceful, little or no crime rate, low level of unemployment despite the fact almost everyone living here is racist it's, from what I've heard, it's a really nice place to live. "I've been thrown into a world where I clearly don't belong. I've nearly been killed in an assassination attempt on Luna's life, the only reason we're both still breathing is because I never left my pistol out of reach and I was quick to react also I killed three people, three people and I hadn't been in here for a month! That's not me! I've never killed anyone before nor have I ever wanted to, I don't even fell bad about what I did. What does that make me, a psychopath?" _Does it?_

"No, why would you even think that?"

"Can you give me another reason why I acted like that?" After a while she just shook her head. "And when I first met you ponies I wasn't given the best impression now was I?"

"...Applejack wants to apologise about that."

She crippled my legs and then I was knocked unconscious!" I shouted drawing the attention of a few people near by.

"She had no intention of you getting knocked unconscious and like I said she wants to apologise." I'm going to tell/show her something about apologising that my dad told me. And that, arguably, isn't the worst thing to happen. Five days ago the nightmares started, probably. I don't remember what happens but it doesn't take a genius to work out what happened when you wake up sweating heavily, panting and still a little tired.

"Enough of that. We're here now." Twilight said as we reached our destination. My reaction to Sugarcube Corner was unexpected.

I laughed, quite hard actually. Which was followed by a "You know what fuck this. I'm going back to Canterlot at least there things make _more_ sense." I could see a train from where I was so I walked in that direction. I couldn't afford a ticket so I would walk back to the city following the track. That was me genuine plan but I was surrounded in a purple aura and I lost everything. I couldn't move, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't move anything, I hated feeling like that and I never want to feel like that again. I was picked up off the ground by something invisible and rotated around so I was facing Twilight. I was put down on the ground and when I was released from my invisible bonds I screamed "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE DO THAT TO ME AGAIN, EVER!" I screamed at her because I seen her horn glow with the same colour that surrounded me. I knew unicorns could use magic but I never seen, until that moment, it being used and now I'm shit scared of it.

"I'm... I'm so sorry. I promise I'll never use it on you again. Not without a very, _very_ good reason. I promise." I think she was more scared than sorry. Celestia did give me a heads up on that my mind-set would be different to her people, well she said ponies but you get the picture. _Racist bitch. _I knew that was true because no one was expecting me to snap like that. I looked around, I definitely caused a scene, people were looking at us, me in particular in shock and a bit of fear from the younger ones. I re-read my journal so a note to self to find out what they're called.

"Good. I'm sorry I snapped at you like I did but I don't think I've ever been so scared in all my life, and it only happened in the short space of a few seconds." Most of the crowd that I caught the attention dispersed but there was a few left. "So shall we?" I said indicating the door of the bakery. The bakery looks like a fucking ginger bread house, that is why I laughed.

"I think it's best If we skip Pinkie for now. For multiple reasons that have only recently been brought to my attention, like you being afraid of magic. Just trust me it's best not to go there just yet" _If I remember correctly pinkie didn't have a horn. If that's true why wouldn't I want to go there?_

"Well since I have no clue in where to go, lead the way."

"Well since Pinkie Pie is out the equation, I would suppose Rarity is as well, Rainbow Dash is in Cloudsdale right now." _I'm not even going to ask. _"Fluttershy is always accepting visits from friends and Applejack is either in the market or working down in the orchards. So it's Fluttershy or Applejack, which one do you want to see first?"

"Wait I got to see all of them?" She nodded _Wonderful! _I thought sarcastically. "Umm... I'll pick... Fluttershy."

"You would pick the one the one who's further away wouldn't you." Twilight muttered.

"So next stop Fluttershy." I said walking away. I turned around "Which way is Fluttershy's?"

"This way." she said walking in the opposite direction I did. I'm not going to describe the journey to Fluttershy's, nothing notable happened so I'm not going to write it down. When we arrived at Fluttershy's home, which is a very woodland like cottage"

"Looks cosy but small. Still cosy though." Let the first visit commence. _Not like I came here to make friends._

Twilight walked up to the door, knocked. "Fluttershy. Are you in?"

No answer.

"Fluttershy, it's me Twilight."

Still no answer.

"She's probably around the back." _Well this is going well._

We walked around the back of the cottage. _All we need now is a flood and a boat._ We saw Fluttershy in a very large garden surrounded with every different kind of animal I can name and a few I can't.

"Oh... hello Twilight." Fluttershy said with a familiar shy voice. _Well that explains the name. _"umm... who's your friend?"

"That's the stallion I told you about yesterday. Bambi... Fuego was it?" Twilight said.

"Yeah, that's me. Hello." I said to Fluttershy.

"Umm... If you don't mind me asking... What brings you hear?" I took a look around and I saw. Well what I saw didn't make sense in the terms of nature. I saw bats along with owls playing, yes playing, with mice. And the owls were awake during the day. I caught a glimpse of a bear with some squirrels. _And I thought this would be normal. Well as normal as it can get here._

"Good question. Why am I here Twilight?" I asked.

"I brought you here to make friends. Friendship is one of the most important things in life." _Sure it is._ I didn't come here to make friends, I came here to get out of Canterlot. _Fucking horse puns!_

"Hold on. I was never told about no friend making just that I would meet the people I met back in that... god forsaken forest, actually just what the fuck is up with that place?"

"Nopony knows. It's a huge mystery and nopony will probably know for a very long time."

"Lovely." I said sarcastically. "Also I was told to meet you lot and one of you wanted to apologise and if I'm not mistaken we're visiting her next. Unfortunately." I muttered the last part.

Fluttershy said something but I didn't hear what.

"You're going to have to speak up, I can't hear you." She is annoyingly quiet.

"I said, do you want to stay for lunch... if that's okay with you that is."

"Yeah, why not. Twilight, you staying?" Not like she had much choice, she's my guide.

"I'll stay."

"Yay!" she didn't say it loud but it was a loud whisper.

Lunch was nice, all things said. We had a tulip salad and I've grown to like tulips, new taste buds probably did that. Despite a lot of things, me and Fluttershy do have a few things in common. Only a few.

"So..." I said as we walked away from Fluttershy's little cottage. "Who's next?" I already knew who and I don't know why I asked.

"Applejack." _Can't wait. _"I'm sure I told you not too long ago."

"You did. So let's go." So off we were to...

"Where are we going exactly?"

"Applejack lives at Sweet Apple Acres." What she said.

"Twilight?" I said as we arrived back in Ponyville, I should mention Fluttershy lives outside of town.

"Yes Bambi?" _Why did I pick that off all names? Because you respond to it._

"You know how I wasn't... well a pony" I said the last part quietly so only she could here. She nodded "Well during the... change, Celestia basically fucked up a bit on a few things."

"Princess Celestia doesn't make mistakes."

"Well she did. Have you ever changed a species of someone?"

"No." She answered it like it was a stupid question. Well it was when you think about it.

"I didn't think so. She didn't get something's right but nothing major." Depends how you think about it. My predatory state will make me stand out, which is something I do not want at all. "So anyways what's the difference between the wings of an Alicorn and those of a Pegasus?"

"Not much. Why ask?"

"She gave the wrong ones." I thought that it would be a little obvious why but that's just me.

"Well they do look a little bigger than usual." She said eyeing up my wings. "There isn't much difference between the two. I think the only noticeably differences are the size of the wings and alicorn wing tips will tint to the main colour of their mane. That's a theory because it's only happened once in known history." She then trailed off into the history of the Alicorns and how rare they are. Fortunately for me she was stopped when we arrived at our location. Unfortunately she then moved on to how friendship is all good and that her taking me to visit her friends would be a great start for me to make my own. Which I told her, again, that wasn't there to make friends.

"So where is Applejack?" By then I had already given up on the names.

"By now she's usually in the apple orchards."

"How big are the orchards?" I was hoping they weren't.

"Quite big. See for yourself." The smart arse, purple unicorn said as a very large apple orchard came into view.

"...Shit. We now have to hunt her down don't we?" One very long hour later we found her. "Fucking finally!"

"Oh hi Twilight... and friend." That southern accent is getting annoying very quickly.

"Hi AJ, this is Bambi. The stallion I was walking to you about yesterday." _You talked about me a lot yesterday._

"I'm mighty sure he didn't look like that back in the Everfree." _That's because I didn't._

"Let's just say he's changed... a lot."

"What do you mean, 'changed'?". Apple jack asked. Let me describe her a little more. She is orange with, I shit you not, and blonde mane and tail in... a pony tail, was quite hard to keep the laughter down, green eyes and her arse tattoo (cutie mark) is three red apples.

"It means that my body has changed completely and now I'm a Pegasus who's, currently, grounded until I learn to fly." I decided to make myself heard, couldn't stop smirking about the whole 'pony's tail is in a pony tail' thing.

"Oh, now that does make a bit more sense. And umm... about well... you know." _If she wants me to say it, I will._

"If you mean you hitting me in the back of the legs, me falling to the ground and being knocked unconscious for a while, then yes, I do."

"I'm mighty sorry about that, _but _you were scaring Fluttershy, I only did it to help her." _Well that makes it all okay._

"And what did I do to scare her, maybe me being there, I can't help that. And what gave you an indication that I was intentionally scaring her? Because I wasn't."

"I said I'm sorry." _Sorry doesn't fix everything._

"Have you got a plate on you?"

"...What?" Both Applejack and Twilight said.

"Simple question. Do you. Have. A plate. On you?"

"Well no, why would I have a plate?" Applejack asked.

"Because I want to show you something, because sorry doesn't fix anything."

"It makes things better." Applejack protested. _No it doesn't._

"Sure it does."

"It does." I could see her becoming irritated.

"Calm down! that's better. If you two are just going to argue, and you've only just met, we might as well leave."

"Fine by me. By Applejack, wasn't so much of a pleasure to meet you." That was probably a bit too much looking back.

"Sorry about this Applejack but I... I got to go." I heard Twilight say.

"I understand Twilight, it's not your fault. See around Twi."

"Bye Applejack." Twilight caught up with me. "You didn't need to do that Bambi. Yes she made a mistake but all you had to do was accept her apology and everything would be okay. But you didn't, so now we're in this situation."

"Hey this is all on me so if you want to go back, be my guest. All I need is to find myself a place to stay and find a way to get me some money and I'm good. So like I said if you want to go back, just do it."

"You're confusing. One minute you're doing what you've just done to Applejack, the next you're completely calm. But we can talk about this later, because it's going to be dark soon."

"...So?"

"Well since you don't have a place to stay, and that it was Princess Celestia's idea, the library has a spare room so you can stay there." Twilights offer wasn't something I was in the position to turn down.

"Why the library?" I asked.

"I live in it. And a heads up before we get there, the library, it's a tree." _Because that's normal._

"Okay... To the tree."

"To the tree..." It was dark by the time we made it to Twilight's... tree, library, home I still don't know what to call it. "Home sweet home." Twilight said when we got to the door.

She opened the door where she was greeted by a, "Hello Twilight, you're back later than usual and oh... It's him..." The voice said, I'm guessing the end part was about me. When I saw who the voice came from, I just gave up on anything being remotely normal on this planet anymore. Because said voice came from, a very small dragon, who just happened to be purple and not at all scary.

"For fucks sake can't anything be normal?" I asked myself.

"Nope..."

* * *

**I do not own MLP or any of it's characters. All other characters are a creation of imagination and inspiration**

**Author's Note:** So here's chapter number four, was meant to be longer but it's not but it's still a chapter and it was taking longer than it should have to be published so I'm giving you this. Hope you enjoyed yet another installation of LAIGWAMP (Still loving it!) Please don't forget to leave a comment and/or Follow and Favourite because it will always be appreciated. I'm also looking for any proof readers, possibly two, because I do make mistakes. Stay tuned for chapter five. Until then, have a good one.


	5. Chapter V

**Chapter V: I Give Up**

God I hate the life I live now, nothing ever goes my way, ever. Let's just start from where I left off.

"So this is your room." Twilight said leading me to a dark room that looks like it hasn't been used in a while.

"It's..."

"Empty?" Twilight tried to finish.

"Not the word I would use but yeah, empty." The room was.. "How big is this fucking tree?! I mean seriously. I library, a kitchen and two bedrooms. There is no way all that can fit in one tree. It looks big from the outside but not that big."

"It is, my tree is surprisingly big." _So it's her tree now. I thought she said this was a library, which should be open the public._

"Okay I believe you." Twilight left and I examined the room a little more. There wasn't much to examine mind you. There was just a single bed, a chest of draws and a cupboard. The room had only one window and fair amount of empty space. I put my stuff next to the bed, got into the bed. "Fuck my life." I said pulling the covers, with extreme difficulty, up. _At least there's is no supernatural shit to be worried about... I hope._ I thought to myself before falling asleep.

The following day started far too early for me by a dragon. The small purple one from last night not the big terrifying ones that level entire villages like you hear in stories.

"Wake up. Twilight wants you to meet the rest of her friends today." He said to me.

"Three things: One, what's your name?"_ I swear if it's retarded like the rest of the names here..._

"Spike. My name's Spike." Spike said to me. _Much better._

"Hello Spike. Two, I've told Twilight many times I'm not here to make friends. And three, what time is it?" I asked.

"Quarter past eight. Why?" I am not a morning person, never have been never will be.

"Fuck me... Tell twilight I'll be down in five."

"Alright bye." He left and I was alone. I didn't need five minutes to get up but I wanted some time to gather myself because yet again I think I'm going insane or something isn't right with me in the head. I mean, who can take in everything I have. Thrown into a world where I don't belong, 90% chance all that was left of my family is dead (They might have not bombed the train station (there is no more port, we lost all of it about a year and a half ago), I've already killed three people, they would have killed me but that isn't helping me and I'm now a small, winged horse How am I so calm about everything? I suppose time will tell. I walked out of the room where I proceeded to fall down the stairs. With four feet, or hooves now, it's easy to loose my footing, or is it hoofing now? I have no fucking clue.

"Are you alright?" Twilight asked rushing towards the pile of me on the floor.

"...No. That fucking hurts!" I said slowly getting myself back up.

"Well you just fell down a flight of stairs, of course it's going to hurt."

"...So, why did you want me down so early?" I asked trying not to put pressure on the fore-leg I landed on, because it's not an arm any more.

"Well hopefully you didn't break anything and it's not that early. It's not!" She said the last part after noticing my facial expression. "Okay then what time do you usually get up?"

"If I can help it, half ten. I always worked the late shift so waking up early was never a problem. Now where is the shower?" I asked

"Upstairs, second room on your left." Twilight said

"Cheers."_ There is no way this tree is that big._ I though yet again.

I had my shower, which was a lot more complicated than it should be thanks to my fucking hooves, and I was feeling very much awake. But according to Twilight I wasn't in for a good day. She never said that but I apparently have friends to make today, which, I've said so many times, I'm not here to do.

"Twilight. How the fuck to ponies use the toilet?" A very, very important question that after three days of being in my new body, just writing that sounds weird, came up.

Twilight looked at me like I was growing a tail. No wait, that doesn't work anymore. But then realised that I genuinely didn't have a clue how to use one. One shit and an extremely arkward explanation later found me back down stairs.

"Now, are you ready to meet the other?" Twilight asked.

"No. And are you sure I can't skip the meet and greet?" I asked

"After yesterday I would say yes but there is one problem. Ponyville is quite small so word gets around quickly." _How is that a problem? _"Apparently ponies have been talking about that somepony has recently moved to Ponyville." _Where is this going?_ "And that means a certain mare hasn't met you, and said mare is Pinkie Pie."_  
_

"The one that works in the gingerbread house?" Still think that's messed up.

"Yeah. Pinkie Pie is... well... different."

"Good different or bad different?"

"That depends on how you look at it. You see, Pinkie is very, _very_ hyper. Best way to put."

"How lovely." _Not looking forward to that._

"We'll try to meet her last for your benefit but no guarantees." I was a little happier with that. Only a little.

We walked out of the tree, I'm never going to get used to writing that, and I turned around to get a better look at said tree. _That's a seriously big tree._ It's just a tree, with a balcony. Yeah I know...

"So who do I have the misfortune of meeting first?" I asked.

"Your so optimistic." Twilight sarcastically said. "And yesterdays visits weren't all bad. Yes you were a little too harsh on Applejack, okay very harsh on her _but_ the visit with Fluttershy went well."

"Yeah it did, for a few reasons: she's kind and didn't assault me!"

"You know what, I'm not going to argue with you. I already learned it's hopeless. And to answer you question it's Rarity."

"She the posh one?" She nodded in response. I grunted. "Hold on. What day is it?" I didn't even know the date, still don't.

"Wednesday why?" I told her to wait outside while I grab something. I walked back in the tree... house... thing, went up the stair, spent five minutes trying to put a certain black band around my fore-leg. Very hard without fingers. Very, _very_ carefully walked down the stairs, out the door where I was greeted by a visibly bored Twilight.

"Why are you wearing a sweat band? why is there only one? and why is it that far up your leg?" Twilight asked me.

"Okay. It's not a sweat band, it's a memorial band and that's where you put it." She opened her mouth to probably memorial of who but after the look I gave her she quickly closed her mouth.

After a few minutes it suddenly dawned on us that we had been standing outside the library's door for at least ten minutes. "...So off to Carousel Boutique." _Just don't ask, I can't be arsed and the quicker this is done with the better._ We walked through the town, it's not overly big and we didn't have to go too far since our destination was near the middle of town. When we got there Twilight knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" an annoyingly posh voice answered.

"Rarity it's me... and company." The name 'Rarity' isn't as retarded as they come here but it's still stupid.

"Come in darling." _This isn't going to end well._ We walked inside the 'Boutique'. I need to find out what one is. "Is this the stallion you told me about the other day?"

"Is there anyone you didn't tell about me?" I asked Twilight.

"I didn't tell everypony about you, just my friends."

"Let's just get this over with." I muttered.

I'm not going to write down what happened during my time at Rarity's because it was boring and because I may or may have not accidently fallen asleep during a talk about 'the height of fashion in Equestria'. I don't think she noticed but Twilight... yeah. She was glaring daggers at me for the remainder of the time. We left and when we were definitely out of earshot of the posh, white Unicorn with three diamonds as her arse tattoo.

"How could you fall asleep?!" Twilight would have shouted but since we were walking thtought the town square she didn't because no one wants to make a scene.

"I have a shit excuse and a good excuse. Which one do you want to hear first?" I asked.

"The first one."

"Okay," I said "I'm tired and everything she said bored the shit out of me. But the good excuse is that I haven't been able to get a lot of sleep lately, I'm currently living in a technicolour nightmare, there is probably something wrong with me or I've changed a lot and I don't care what you think of me for saying this but.. I want to go home. Like back where I came from home, out of this shit hole and back to the norm."

It took Twilight a minyte to fully comprehend what I said. "It's not all and here is it? Yes it is probably different from where you're from but can't you just accept that this is your new home?"_ Never_ "Equestria is a lovely place, I understand you had a awful experience in Canterlot," I just snorted at that understatment. "But with the help of friends you can get over what happened. That's one of the reasons I'm showing you all mine." Yet again she mentioned how important friends are and yet again I tell myself I'm not here to make friends.

"If you're showing me all of them, then why not invite them to one place so I meet them all at once? " I pointed out.

"I didn't think about that."

"Common sense Sparkle, common sense." _And I wouldn't have snapped at Applejack like I did._ When I took notice to where Twilight was leading me to, from what Twilight said, I didn't like the destination. We were walking towards the gingerbread bakery.

Fortunately we were stopped by a voice from above. "Hey Twi, wait up!" We looked up to find a small (relatively), cyan Pegasus fly down towards us.

"Hi Rainbow." Now her I do remember. Most likely because the name 'Rainbow' probably came from her hair... mane (same fucking thing) is a rainbow, well most of the rainbow anyways. "I thought you were in Cloudsdale?"

"Yeah well, the weather office asked if I could cover someone's shift because they were ill and a little extra bits can't hurt." Should point out that the Equestrian currency is in 'Bits' which is basically gold coins. "Is this... Something Fuego wasn't it?" She asked pointing to me._ She got the last part right at least._

Twilight opened her mouth but I was more than capable to say what she was going to say. "Bambi Fuego."

"Sup. Name's Rainbow Dash, I'll let you figure out why the gave me my first name. I work on the weather team, live in Cloudsdale. And I'm running late, gotta go! Oh and Pinkie has a surprise 'Welcome to Ponyville' party planned for you.

"Rainbow! You weren't supposed to tell him!"

"He was going to find out eventually, and from the looks of things you were heading there anyways."

"Wait what? I don't want a party." I butted in, I didn't and didn't change my mind after said party.

"Too late, anyways I need to get going, and yes Twi I will be at the party, I just got to do this then I'll go, before you ask." They said goodbye, Rainbow took off into the air and we continued our way to the not-so-surprise, surprise party.

"So... what am I going to expect because I cannot be arsed with a party." I said as we neared the door to the bakery where the party was being held.

"It's best you see for yourself... Ah here we are, after you." Twilight said indicating me to go through the door.

"No you're going first, not me."

"Why, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Because, I'm not having you stopping me form getting out of that door, _if _the need arises."

"Fine." She opened the door where we saw... nothing, it was just dark and quiet, too quiet.

Well it was until, "Surprise!" the lights were turned on. I saw a sign saying 'Welcome to Ponyville!' streamer were falling from the ceiling, there was a fuck-load of people I haven't met who were there, so were the ones who I have minus three of them.

"...Nope." I said turning around to leave but only to find that the door was shut, and because I can't open door with fucking hooves I was stuck. _W__hat's the worst that can happen?_ I asked myself now facing away from the door.

I didn't get to say anything because the pink pony in the middle starting talking, fast. "Hi I'm Pinkie Pie, welcome to Ponyville, but you don't need me to tell you that it says so on the banner. Do you like the party? I made it for you because you're new here and if you're new here that means you don't know anypony, that means you don't have any friends-" _I have one... who isn't here._ "- and I don't want that so I made you this party so you can get some friends and smile!"

"Fuck it... Hello." I look over at Twilight and mouthed 'Can I go now?' she just shook her head.

"Yay!" Pinkie shouted. "Let's get this party started!" _If we have to..._

Ten minutes later I'm sitting around, bored shitless and looking miserable, when out of nowhere Pinkie popped in front of my face, I don't mean that metaphorically, I had most of the room in my peripheral vision and I didn't see her until that moment. "Hey what's up? You look bored, do you not like my party?" I didn't reply, I was too busy getting over the shock she gave me. "Did I scare you, I didn't mean to."

I got up. "Hey where are you going?" she asked.

"I've noticed something."

"What's that. Oooh tell me, tell me!" _She wasn't wrong about her being hyper._

"I'm starving, I haven't eaten anything since lunchtime yesterday." She gave me a questioning look.

"Then why didn't you say so!" Next thing I know is that I'm in front of the food table."All this is for you, well not just you it's for everypony but the party is for you so the food is too!... Why are you just standing there?"

I was standing there becuase I was still trying to process how I got where I was. _What just happened? _I asked myself. I decided to completely ignore what just happened and focus on the point at hand. I was hungry but couldn't eat because i didn't know know how to pick up the food. Yesterday's salad was easier because it was salad and it doesn't get everywhere like in your new white fur coat for example, party food however had a tendency to not be so clean. And party food reminds me of parties which reminds me of celebrations, what are some things that are celebrated, birthdays and what happened on my most receant birthday? I took a one way trip to a technicolour hell called Equestria, where I lost everything.

"...I've... I'm not hungry anymore." I said turning away from the food and towards the door where no one stops me from exiting so I can go into a state of depression. I don't know where to go and i haven't been noticed leaving except by the overly hyper pink pony, so I decide to walk around the back of the bakery which looks so much smaller on the outside, like a lot of things here. I sort of sit down on the ground, I can just hear the party from the other side of the wall I have my back against.

And then another relisation hits me, the position I'm sitting in, I don't have anything to grab onto things with.

Therefore I'm stuck here...

_Fuck._

* * *

**Author's Note: I do not own MLP or any of it characters. All other characters are a creation of inspiration an imagination.**

Hi! sorry it took so long I was busy with holiday preparations, leave it to me to do everything last minute, and a two week holiday to the beautiful city of Barcelona. and I'm taking a three week holiday to Bulgaria in about a week and a half's time so if I haven't updated by a week on monday don't expect an update for at least a month afterwards. I did cut this chapter short yet again but that does mean that I have a strong idea on chapter VI's turnout. Don't forget to leave a review and/or fav/follow as it will be highly appreciated. And I do have another story brewing in my mind, you might like it, you might not.

Until next time, have a good one.


	6. Chapter VI

**Chapter VI: I Got A Golden Ticket**

It took an hour before someone came out to look for me, well when I say an hour it probably was less than that but it was a while and I didn't exactly have a way to check the time.

"Bambi, are you back here?" I heard a voice. I look up to see it was non other than Twilight.

"Over here." I said so she could walk to my voice.

"Why are you just sitting there?" She asked looking at me in my awkward, impossible-to-get-up-from position.

"Two reasons: Depressed and stuck. So a little help would be nice." She answered by holding out a hoof. "And how am I meant to grab that?" She then curled her hoof, if that makes sense. _I can do that?_ I tried it and apparently I can. She helped me up. "Thanks for that."

"Now why are you around here anyways?" She asked as I got myself steady.

"Because."

"That's not an answer." _It is for me. _"You want to go back to the Library don't you?" She asked me. I nodded. "Okay because you don't the way back, go through the market, you'll see a sign that says Golden Oaks Library, follow the direction it shows you for three more signs, you see four that means you've gone the wrong way so go back. When you get there go through the front door and up the stairs you know the rest, there is a back door but if you can't find it just go through the front. Now there something else I need to go over with you but I'll have to over that later. Now while you go back now I'm going to, even though I don't want to, have to tell everypony that the pony who the party was for has left for one reason or another, I'll just tell them that your feeling ill."

"Cheers... Three signs after the market?" I asked just to make sure.

"Yes and goodbye"

"T'ra" I headed off. Now even though I asked twice I still managed to fuck up, big time. I seen four signs so I went back, I managed to get back to the market that's how bad my sense of direction is. Maybe the fact that I wasn't paying attention as to where I was going, maybe I was continuously asking myself the same question over and over, maybe that particular question was _"Who would care If I went 'missing'? If I were to walk away right now, just leave. Who would actually give a shit?" _I came up with one name, Luna, whose name belongs to a princess who could do without me being a bad influence. I will admit I am, without a shadow of a doubt, a bad influence. It was the same with Jamie, smart fucker, yet completely wasted because he lived in a 3-bedroom house with three other people, went to the same pub every other night, had the same thing (when it was in stock) he had the same boring, under-paid job and he could do so much better, and I would only take half the blame the rest is all his because it was his choice to-

I'm doing it again, bringing up memories that I would be more than happy with for them to hide in my mental box full of things to forget, it's a pretty big box. Reminding me of home, again reminding me I can't go home and that was the same reason I walked out of that rather childish party that was planned for me, which was not me. My idea of a party is having a night out with the lads, getting absolutely mortal then just fucking off home at four o'clock in the morning. And because I don't know any man, or stallion, here enough to class them as a 'lad' I don't see that happening anytime in the far future. There's digression for you.

Once I made it back to the library-tree, that's what I'm now calling it, I looked up at the sky and judging from where the sun is I would have said it would have been anywhere between half three and half four, Rarity I think her name is, fuck me she can talk! We were there for a while, whilst she went on about a subject I couldn't care less about, simple as that. Again with the digression. Anyways I remembered most of what Twilight said so I went around the library-tree looking for the back door couldn't find one, not after five minutes of searching so I gave up, I've been doing a lot of that recently, and went through the front door where I was greeted by a sight that made me walk out the door I just came through, close that door and than bang my head against it several times before walking back in.

Remember that little not-so scary dragon that woke me up this morning, also did I mention he's purple and green? If I didn't he is, who walks on two legs and has thumbs_ Lucky prick_. Right, I seen him wearing a pink apron, holding a feather duster in his... claws? and humming. I decided to ignore it and walk up the stairs _slowly_ because i'm not falling down them again, went into my room collapsed onto the bed for an hour an a half. I knew how long it was because where my head was facing if you go up and a little to the left there's a clock which had the time on it. The wrong time mind you but I could still see how long it had been. I got up because of a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I asked the knocker.

"Spike... there's a letter for you here." _That's nice._

I got up and walked over to the door. _I swear if he's wearing that apron._ Fortunately for me when I opened the door he wasn't. I leaned against the door frame for balance while I held out a... hoof, never going to get used to that, so he could place the letter on it. It was a scroll but it's beside the point, he place the scroll on my hoof and at that very point two things crossed my mind: One, _how am I going to open this?_ and two, _HOLY SHIT HOW FUCKING HOT IS THING?! _Although I never said or shown that, I waited until he closed the door and I heard him walk down the stairs, that's when "Bloody hell that's hot!" After five minutes of leaving it where I dropped it I went back to the scroll to check to see if it had cooled down.

It had so after ten minutes of fucking around I found out how to pick it up and how to open it and when I did open it a golden ticket fell out which was put to the side until I read the letter. It read.

_'Dear Richard._

_ I do hope you managed to get settled in Ponyville as it is different than what you have currently experienced in Equestria. Now you may have noticed a golden invitation that came with this letter, it is a personal invitation from me for the Grand Galloping Gala coming up in just over two months time. __How you arrive to the gala is entirely up to you, Celestia has told me to instruct you to not arrive in your human form (Because you can alternate between the two with help from magic) but if you want to I can change you back despite my sister not wanting exactly that._

_Another thing is that you did something that involved my sister and it isn't good. I don't know what you did, but believe me when say that I will find out what you did, people still fear me because of what I did over a thousand years ago and if needed I will use that to my full advantage. You have until I see you next to come up with a very good excuse otherwise it wont end well for you, I will not tolerate you being overly aggressive towards my sister without a valid reason. _

_Yours Sincerely, Luna._

_P.S. Don't let the bastards grind you down. :)' _She actually put the smiley face thing, and the P.S. part was rather unexpected.

I looked at the golden invitation on the floor which just said it was a personal invitation from Princess Luna to the Grand Galloping Gala, _Another retarded name to add to the list. _I left it there until I figured out how to pick it up. After reading that I instantly decided, just to defy a certain princess, that I was going to the GGG as me, the proper me. Then I was a little worried to how Luna would react on finding out what happened but that is a problem for another time, three weeks time.

"Spike I'm back." I heard Twilight say as she came through the door downstairs.

"Oh hi Twilight." Spike said.

"Bambi back yet?" _I'm never going to forgive myself for saying that._

"Yeah he came back here about an hour and a half ago, why?"

"I need to go over something with him."

"Why is he staying here anyways?"

"Spike! He might be able to hear us." _Oh I can hear you alright._ "And to answer your question, we are living here under the courtesy of Princess Celestia and we are also living of the crown so if she says that somepony will be staying with us for a short while I can't exactly say no in the manner."

"Just sayin'."

"Well don't. Now I'm going to call him so we can go do what we need to do we'll be back by eight at the latest so if you could prepare a little something to eat because I don't think he's eaten since yesterday even then it was just a light salad, so if you could that would be nice."

"Sure, you want anything?"

"No thanks, I ate at the party." _You fucking scrounger! You ate nothing while I was there, I fuck off and you stuff your face. _"Bambi!" She shouted up the stairs.

"What?" I asked.

"I need to talk to you about something."

"What is it?"

"Can you just come down here please?"

"Okay hold on." I got away from the door, oh one thing I do love about this body, the ears: you can move them left, right and centre it's so helpful, such as if you want to over hear a conversation you can flick your ears up and press them perfectly against a door so you can hear as much as possible. "Okay what was it you wanted to talk to me ab-" I never got to finish that sentence because I wasn't paying attention and I fell down the stairs for the second time that day but this time it hurt a hell lot more.

"Bambi! Are you alright?!"

"Fuck that hurts!"

"Can you walk?"

"I don't know I'm still on the bloody floor!" I said sarcastically.

"Now's not the time, hold on I help you up... there can you walk on it?" She asked indicating my right foreleg.

I gently pressed it on the floor causing enough pain for me to say "Not a chance, hurts like hell." I then realised a predicament of sorts "I can't walk on three legs."

"So?" She seemed rather dumbfounded by that, first time in my life I've ever used that word.

"How the fuck am I going to move?"

"I have an idea," her horn lit up.

"NO!" She knew exactly what my reaction to would be and she still said it.

"Well then how else are we going to get you to the hospital?"

"Whoa... now who said I'm going there, cos' I ain't going to no hospital."

"Why not? You need to get the leg checked over." She pointed to my possibly broken foreleg.

"It's fine" I said. "And even if I did manage to limp all the way to the hospital. A Pegasus, who when broke his leg, didn't fly it's going to raise suspicion."

"I've thought of an excuse for that already," _Fuck it, what's the worst that can happen?_

"Fine, I'll go to the bloody hospital." At that response I swear down Twilight's face literally lit up.

"Okay so here's how we're going to do this..."

One very long hour of me leaning on Twilight for support later, we made it to the rather large hospital.

"How can I help you two?" The receptionist asked, a mare if you're wondering.

"My friend here fell down a flight of stairs and landed rather badly on his foreleg, and we think he may have broken it." Twilight told her

"What's his name?" The mare across the desk asked.

"Bambi Fuego." I said.

"Okay then Mr. Fuego if you could be seated a doctor will be through shortly." The receptionist replied.

"Thank you." Twilight then helped me over to a seat. Five minutes later a nurse came through some double doors

"Bambi Fuego?" I raised a hoof "This way please." About half an hour later I had an X-ray and was in a cubicle waiting for the results.

"I hate hospitals." I said to no one in particular.

"Why's that" Twilight asked. She decided to stay for some reason, I said she could leave but she told me that she wouldn't leave me alone in a hospital, which I was thankful for.

"Can't stand the smell." Death and disinfectant, the only two things a hospital can smell of, even though one is metaphorical. "Quick question, do you have to pay for your healthcare?"

"Obviously. While _I _don't, courtesy of the crown, everypony else does. Why do you ask?" I couldn't help myself from having a smug face. _NHS health care, yes please many thanks_. I then continued the rest of the song that was from in my head.

"No reason."

"I'm going to find something to drink. Be back soon."

"Alright bye then." Two minutes later the nurse from earlier, Redheart I think she said her name was if not something along the lines, and showed me the X-ray results and it's not so good. According to the results I broke my metacarpal bone in two places. To put it easier for me, on my normal legs it's the bone between my ankle and my knee and it's now broken in three pieces. I also noticed, it was more of a confirmed suspicion, that Pegasi have a honeycomb bone structure and that's why my leg is now broken in two places, honeycomb bones they're light and strong, just not as strong.

"Now I need to ask you a question." The nurse said. "Are you against magical treatment?" I guessed that meant was I against having magic used on me and was an instant no.

"Yes."

"I expected as much." She then started to smile and. "Many years from now you may change your mind." That part was quieter but I'm pretty sure I was meant to hear it.

"Doubt it." I said.

"Trust me on this, you'll change your mind." I asked her to prove it and then she started to smile. "Okay then, you sure you want me to tell you?"

"Yes, if got n'ote else to do."

"As you get older cancer becomes a bigger threat and we need to check for said cancers, magic is a lot easier for checking ones such as prostate cancer."

Since I was sitting on the bed I looked at my hoof, the one that I could lift. "So the whole thing... goes in the-"

"Yes." She said nodding. I know how a prostate exam works, and I then decided if I don't kill myself or I'm killed by someone else prostate cancer will kill me.

"How many people do you tell that to?" I asked, but seriously that's not something that should ever bebrought up.

"Most of the stallions that don't like magic, that also tell me to prove it." She's a right bitch for being a nurse who coincidently has the same cutie mark as the sign outside. "Anyways since you wont allow a specialist to reconstruct the bone, which wouldn't cost you anything because it's all paid for by the crown-" It's good having friends in high places. "- We'll have to place a metal plate in your foreleg and then we will put a cast on it until it heals."

"And how long will that take? The plate and the cast I mean."

"If your asking when will you be able to leave, we should be able to discharge you tomorrow." _Could be worse. Wait no it can't, I'm spending a night in a hospital. _

Twilight decided to make her entrance at the same time the nurse was leaving, the nurse whispered something into Twilight's ear then left.

"What she say?" I asked when Twilight sat down on the chair next to me.

"She said visiting hours are over in seventeen minutes." She took a sip from the paper coffee cup that I only just noticed.

"Seventeen minutes of company left in a place that makes me think I'm going to die."

"Now your just exaggerating."

"I'm honestly not, it doesn't matter if I've been stabbed, shot," Would be best to point out that is because the first time I was in hospital other than being born and having my tonsils removed, I was there because I was stabbed which nearly killed me, I was also stabbed three times after that, fortunately non were as bad as the first. "broke my wrist, broke my arm, broke my collar bone, broke my nose, broke my other collar bone, or split my head open I still feel like I'm going to die." I haven't lived the quietest of lives.

"Stabbed!?" She exclaimed.

"Four times."

"How can you say it like it's no big deal?"

"Oh it is, it's just that two weeks after I was out of the hospital for the first one, the guy who did it to me ended up in intensive care obviously I was the main suspect but CCTV proves I was at an Indian restaurant, Lal Quila I think they do a nice onion bhaji, at the supposed time of attack. Second guy who stabbed me twice, dark alley brick around the side of the head, I was working at the time fortunately two people were sober enough to remember who was behind the bar. And the last guy, same as the second I was at the Aley Paley... Alexandra Palace for the darts premier league and because that was a televised event I was definitely not on the list of suspects. It's called having friends who have your back, and because of that I was arrested for arson. The more you know." Now obviously this was followed by a load of questions from Twilight which took up the remaining fifteen minutes of visiting hours.

"This conversation is not over." Twilight said as she left and didn't give me an opportunity to reply, doesn't mean I didn't.

"No matter what you say to anyone society is in my favour, you can't slander a cripple."

"I heard that!" I guess Twilight did hear my reply then.

* * *

**I do not own MLP or any of it's characters. All other characters are a creation of inspiration and imagination.**

**Authors**** Note:** Hello and welcome to the A/N of chapter VI of LIAGWAMP and I am genuinely sorry for the wait, after coming back from holiday I was busier than I initially expected so chapter VI took longer than I hoped but still IT'S HERE!. Now please, please, please leave a review on LIAGWAMP because I'm (at the current moment in time) yet to have a proper comment, Fimfiction I have a single criticism review on me being a little too fast paced which is something I'm trying to work on and a review that is a correction of the first review's grammar. Please tell me what you love/hate and why and I will do my very best to work with it. Now after the summer half term holidays are over expect slow updates because I start my GCSE's and I have an exam that counts towards 25% of my grade before Christmas! But after that up until the back end of May should be easy flying, literally and metaphorically. Also the word _n'ote_ means nothing so don't worry your little heads about it. If anyone can tell me what song _NHS healthcare, yes please many thanks _without looking it up on t'internet you are a leg end which is a better version of a legend. Very big A/N today! Anyways don't forget to Follow and/or Favourite if you already haven't. As usual until next time, have a good one.


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